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Glow up with me
It’s time to make a change….
I’ve been MIA for a while now. I’m going to be honest with you: I have problems with consistency. When life becomes overwhelming, as it has been of late, the first things to leave my life are the things I enjoy—the things that promote my growth. I know I’m not alone in this; the reality is that it’s hard. It doesn’t have to be this way. Sometimes the habits that need to be built are not physical habits but emotional ones. Let’s be open about what gets in the way of being consistent in life.
Firstly, excuses. Let’s be honest: we’re all guilty of using excuses to justify our poor decisions. So far today, I have told myself I can’t type this out because my hands are cold or that I have too many other things to do. I’m not in the mood (this one requires some work). I’ve had a five-day migraine and am now finally clear of it. I feel I should give myself time to rest after all that, especially since I did nothing for those five days. Why am I bothering? I’m no good at this anyway. Who am I to advise anyone? What do I know?
While consciously I know that these are nothing more than excuses, subconsciously I have a constant battle with these nonsensical reasons for lacking in my life. For example, while typing, my keyboard lost charge, two phone calls from people venting, and a needy cat reduced my motivation quite a bit. It felt like the last thing I wanted to do was complete this; I wanted to delete it and tell myself, “Why bother?” It’s so easy to slip away from even the things you enjoy or know are good for you.
While excuses prevent us from doing what we need or want to do, our moods affect us as well. It’s easy to engage in activities when you’re in the mood for them, but it requires a lot of self-discipline to perform tasks when we’re not feeling motivated. This is different when at work or when doing things for your family, but when it’s for yourself and independent of others, it becomes tough. Remembering to be motivated by your values and not just your moods or emotions is key to breaking through this barrier. For some, this is easy and not worth discussing, but for others, particularly those who are neurodivergent, it can be quite challenging.
On YouTube and through Google searches, there is an abundance of information—advice on how to overcome obstacles, how to heal, how to grow, and how to beat the odds. It’s hard to know where to start. I don’t want to be just another voice in the already loud internet. So here, I plan to document my internal glow-up. I’ll share my wins and failures, what’s worked and what hasn’t, and most importantly, I’ll be honest about my shortcomings. It’s okay to have them, and I imagine I’ll have many.
I aim to use social media in a more constructive way rather than just consuming reels. I’ll share books, recipes, workouts—absolutely everything—as this is a challenge for me. I tend to shy away from others and stay in my safe space. However, if I can help even one person start on a personal improvement journey, then it’ll be worth it. A lot of the online community is designed to separate and judge, but I believe we should create a community that encourages one another to be better. The happier and healthier we all are, the better we can be for ourselves and each other. I would like to be present in the best way possible, and I hope you do too.
This journey for me is not new. I have spent my whole adult life reading nonfiction, self-help, and scientific books. I see a lot of mental health struggles while at work, and I have noticed the increasing despair in recent years. I’ve become increasingly aware of how helpless people feel and the excessively high rate of anxiety. It’s time for me to put together what I’ve learned from my many hours of reading and my experiences in different areas of society to create a platform for solutions. The secret to happiness lies in activating your passion and purpose. This is how I will contribute. Head to my insta if you want to come along on this journey with me. I will be posting there and updating here.
becoming centred, Find your purpose, How to manage stressful times, level up, mental health, mindfulness, Moving forward, Uncategorizedbreathe, connection, daily struggle, emotions, exercise, fun, getting through hard times, Glow up, health, how to, inspiration, journalling, life, love, meditation, mental health, mindfulness, motivation, movingforward, nutrition for the mind, Positive changes, seize the day, self care, self connection, Self discovery, self help, self love, self-improvement, stress relief -
Finding your power.
Everyone has hard times.
For the past few years, things have been tough. Factors beyond my control have taken over, and I have tried desperately to regain power over my own life. It all felt completely out of hand. In difficult times past, I was always able to remember that everyone goes through ups and downs. Even when the downs felt surreal, it was easy to appreciate that we all have our paths and that others have it so much worse than I did at that moment. This time, I lost that part of me—the part that sees the silver lining and lessons in every experience, the part that finds a light of gratitude in the darkest of spaces. Gone. Despite understanding the ‘logic’ of gratitude and that hard times eventually pass, I was completely unable to feel it. The pit of my stomach felt like a sea of despair swirling around at all times.
I focused hard on ‘doing the right things.’ I meditated, journaled, walked, talked, spent time on myself, read, and got creative. All of these activities benefited me for sure, but the healing from them didn’t occur immediately. There are so many layers to our psyche, and accessing all of them during turbulent times can be challenging. The fight/flight/freeze response can exist independently in any part of us, while the others operate as normal. Sometimes these layers run so deep that you don’t know whether you are acting true to yourself. It’s difficult to decipher and even more challenging to communicate and reason with.
During these times, if we do all the things we are advised to do, we may not notice any changes, and it can feel pointless and hopeless. But if we persevere—writing down our feelings and the impact of all our efforts and, most importantly, allowing ourselves time—once we reach the other side (and we will), we will witness all our hard work paying off at once. Trust me. Time to digest, time to recover and heal, and time for the end to reach all parts of us is incredibly important. We cannot rush healing. If you cut yourself and cover it with a dressing, the wound takes the same time to heal; the dressing is for protection. Use life’s dressings to protect the wounds and allow them to heal in their own time.
Life’s dressings
The “life dressings” are all the self-care practices we are advised to follow. These work. They do. However, if the wounds run deep, they don’t always address them immediately. It’s a bit like the work you do in school—you don’t reap the rewards until you receive your exam results. The same principle applies here: once the dust settles, all the work you’ve done will be ready to yield genuine gratitude and real contentment.
There are many reason people give for not doing the work. One I hear often is that they can’t meditate. Their mind are just too busy. Everyone’s mind is busy.
Meditation isn’t about having a completely clear mind or not thinking about anything; no one achieves that. The idea that “I can’t meditate; I’ve tried” is either an excuse or not understanding what meditation is. Everyone can meditate. It’s about training your mind to control your thoughts. No one has ever just sat down and instantly shut out their thoughts. Many people say this because they don’t want to sit with their thoughts; they dislike the discomfort.
The hard truth is: it WILL be uncomfortable.
Do you want to a) experience the discomfort now or b) experience it later? Discomfort in life is guaranteed. Choose your hard. This is entirely your choice. Here are some things to consider while you decide: If you choose to face the hard now, you have all the control. If you choose hard later, you won’t have much control at all. If you choose hard now, you won’t have any reason to complain; if you choose hard later, you won’t have the right to complain because it was your choice. Nothing worth having comes easily.
Too many people feel hard done by, and while many things can happen in life that we wouldn’t choose and didn’t ask for, blaming others and feeling sorry for ourselves only shifts the power away from us. We give up control of our lives and then complain about how hard it’s been for us, claiming it isn’t our fault that we are unsuccessful. I’m sorry to tell you, but it’s still your responsibility. I can promise you that there is someone far worse off than you who has been able to take control and use their incredibly difficult experiences as fuel to become the best they can be.
These people may have wounds, but they are content and ready to take on the world. Those who don’t take this approach suffer for it. It’s that simple—not easy, but simple. If you feel this might be you and you want to change, I recommend starting with self-care. Do it anyway. Even if you don’t feel immediate benefits (and you probably won’t), you will be building the internal habit of inducing healing within yourself. Be easy on yourself and allow time to heal.
Stop blaming. Every time you think, “Why did this happen to me?” or “It’s not my fault that I can’t do things,” STOP. Change that thought to, “Although I didn’t ask for any of this, it’s my responsibility to move on. Other people and circumstances aren’t going to hold me down.” Find your fuel in being told you can’t, and find your passion in proving others—and yourself—wrong. Discover the voice that shouts “fuck you” to anyone who doubts you. The world is your oyster, regardless of your circumstances, age, or experiences.
The bottom line is, it’s your choice; you have all the power. Leave behind those who don’t appreciate you. It’s a reflection of their insecurities not a reflection of you. Take control and allow time to heal.
You’ve got this! Choose your hard.
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The Benefits of Daily Rituals: Cultivating Calm and Clarity
In our fast-paced world, where distractions are abundant and time often feels fleeting, the power of daily rituals can be transformative. Incorporating small, intentional practices into your routine not only enhances productivity but also nurtures your mental and emotional well-being. Here are some key benefits of establishing daily rituals in your life.
Creates Structure and Stability
Daily rituals provide a sense of structure to your day. By having set activities that you perform consistently, you create a rhythm that can help reduce anxiety and provide a framework for your time. Whether it’s a morning coffee routine or an evening wind-down, these rituals can anchor your day, allowing you to transition more smoothly between tasks.
Enhances Mindfulness
Engaging in daily rituals encourages a state of mindfulness. When you focus on the present moment—whether it’s savoring your morning tea or taking a few moments to meditate—you cultivate awareness and appreciation for the small things in life. This practice can help to quiet the mind, reduce stress, and improve overall mental clarity.
Boosts Productivity
Incorporating rituals into your workday can significantly enhance your productivity. For instance, starting each day with a short planning session or dedicating time to a specific project can help you stay focused and organized. Establishing “power hours” for uninterrupted work or setting aside time for creative brainstorming can lead to increased efficiency and better results.
Fosters Personal Growth
Daily rituals can also be powerful tools for personal growth. Whether it’s journaling, reading, or practicing gratitude, these activities encourage self-reflection and continuous learning. By dedicating time to your interests and passions, you’ll find that you’re more motivated to pursue your goals and develop new skills.
Promotes Well-Being
Rituals can have a profound impact on your overall well-being. Simple practices like morning stretches, evening relaxation techniques, or weekly family dinners can foster connection and joy. These moments of intentionality not only enhance your mood but also strengthen relationships with those around you.
Encourages Consistency and Discipline
Daily rituals cultivate discipline, making it easier to develop positive habits over time. When you commit to a specific ritual, you’re likely to stick with it, even on days when motivation wanes. This consistency can lead to long-term improvements in various areas of your life, from health and fitness to career and relationships.
Incorporating daily rituals into your life can lead to profound changes. By creating a routine that resonates with you, you can enhance your focus, reduce stress, and foster a greater sense of fulfillment. Start small: choose one or two rituals that resonate with you and gradually build from there. Before you know it, these simple acts of intention can transform your daily experience, bringing calm and clarity to your life. Embrace the power of rituals and discover the positive impact they can have on your journey!
I am challenging myself to create daily rituals to encourage personal growth, I’ll let you know how it goes and what works well for me. Let me know your experiences with this too.
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A short post about healing and life lately.
It is hard to make decisions and be present when you are numb to everything around you. Sometimes, life creates these voids, and you find yourself lost in the center with no view of the sides, never mind the outside. While there are techniques to adopt that can help with this, I feel we talk a lot about them without ever acknowledging that they aren’t magic; they don’t change the situation immediately. I talk and write a lot about mental health techniques that can change your mindset and help make life easier, too, but I think it is important to recognise that sometimes it’s a chemical or trauma response that takes time. Sometimes you have to ride it out. I feel this is important to shine a light on because many of us will experience these times. I am not suggesting that meditation and yoga won’t work; they are still valuable ways to support your mental state and take care of the you that you are in that moment, but let’s not pretend that they will fix everything immediately. There is a difference between a bumpy bit in life and a crash. It is okay to take time to heal and be ready to walk again after a crash.
I have been experiencing this recently. Usually, I pride myself on my ability to dust myself off and move on after a turbulent time, but this most recent challenge has hit me hard. Probably because it didn’t just affect me; it made things challenging for my husband and daughter, too. I also felt like I had no control to move on with. My life was in the hands of people I wouldn’t give a minute to, never mind my life. Unfortunately, there will be times like this in everyone’s lives. The advice is usually to pick yourself up and move on, which is great if you can, or to practice self-care or talk about it. All of these are great, but sometimes you just need to ride it out. Sometimes, you need to heal. For some reason, society allows us this space for physical injuries but not for mental or emotional injuries. Take the time. Allow it to do what it needs to do. Allow yourself the grace and patience you deserve. You don’t NEED to be productive; you don’t NEED to be there for everyone all the time, and you don’t NEED to be ready to fight right away. The best self-treatment is time. Tell your family, friends, and coworkers that you are self-medicating with time, and they need to live with that.
I am learning to embrace difficulty because time is something I have never allowed myself until I had no choice. If you ask for patience, the universe (or whatever that is for you) will give you reasons to be patient. If you ask for change, you will be given no option but to change. Embrace these times because they are always a lesson, and there is always growth. I am working on feeling again—being less numb and allowing myself to be mad, upset, happy…anything that comes up. I heal by spending time with my family and animals, by cooking healthy meals for my family, and by making my house a home. I heal by being creative and taking time to relax. I heal by allowing for others and myself. How do you heal?
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From Chaos to Clarity: My Path to Self-Management”
Recently, I’ve been trying to work on my TRUE self. We are all aware of our two selves: one that is honest and content, and one that wants to control and often feels miserable. In order to shut my outer self out a little more, I have been searching for things that get me down. One of those things is what feels like an inability to manage day-to-day tasks with any authority. I seem to let things run away from me.
I’m not sure if any of you experience the same feelings I do regarding this, or if I’m just really odd (it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been described as such). Recently, I have had a really hard time managing my time and responsibilities. I will plan my day and my chores, yet often have minimal or none of them completed. I am super busy but have almost nothing to show for it. It seems a bit strange to be so active and simultaneously accomplish so little. For example, today I planned to write in my blog because I have really let that slide lately. Instead, I tidied, cleaned, and rearranged kitchen cupboards. This was interrupted by a meltdown caused by an unwanted visit from a spider. Absolutely terrifying for both of us, I think. I had to wait for my daughter to come home from school to catch it and put it outside. Spiders are my kryptonite.
The distractions of everyday life are challenging; every day, my plans are derailed by myself. I get very frustrated by this, especially since I have no one to blame but myself. I have picked up a couple of techniques that can sometimes help, although I often forget about them, to be honest. One thing I find most helpful is using an egg timer. I set it for 25 minutes and start a task, agreeing with myself that it’s okay if I go over the 25 minutes, but I can’t stop before the timer goes off. I am amazed at how productive I can be with this method. It’s also incredible how much you can accomplish in 25 minutes when you’re focused on a single task.
Another distraction-avoidance technique I discovered is the “dopamine menu.” I know that sounds weird, but it’s quite effective. The idea behind a dopamine menu is to have a list of alternative activities to do instead of doom scrolling or wasting hours in front of the TV. It serves as a guide to keep you occupied in a mindful, present way.
You can list some ‘starters’—5 to 10-minute tasks such as making a nice hot drink, lighting some candles, having a little dance, or standing outside for 10 minutes to get some fresh air.
Some ‘mains’ could be going for a walk, doing yoga or meditation, reading a book, or cooking a healthy and fun meal. These are activities that take a little longer.
‘Sides’ would be things you can do while engaged in other tasks, literally on the side. For example, you could listen to music, a podcast, or an audiobook; light a candle; or play with a fidget toy.
‘Desserts’ refer to giving yourself a set time to indulge in those activities you are trying to avoid, allowing you to enjoy them in a more controlled manner. This could include watching TV, scrolling through your phone, online shopping, or having a sweet treat. This is the ‘moderation’ section of the menu.
Finally, the ‘specials’ are activities that require more planning or investment, such as going on holiday, taking a day trip with a friend, or attending a concert—things you really look forward to.
It’s important to fill your menu with activities that excite you, so you look forward to putting down your phone and remote to use your menu. Having these options written down in front of you helps make them feel more engaging and like a treat.
Another challenge I face when I have things to do (regardless of how much I enjoy them) is completing tasks at home. I always feel I should prioritize household chores and jobs that benefit my family. I find it very difficult to do anything other than that because society has conditioned mothers to prioritize everyone else and view their role as centered in the home. My partner is not one of those guys, but it will take many generations to break down these stereotypes for both sexes. To combat this, I leave the house. I go to a café, order a nice coffee, and work on what I want or need to do. I’m not above crocheting in a café on my own. Usually, I read my book or work on my laptop, but I would definitely take wool with me.
I believe we have the power to manage our struggles by finding the right techniques for ourselves. Let’s face it: everyone has difficulties. It’s part of being human. I want to ensure that if I learn anything that helps me, I share it with others who may benefit as well. We’re all in this together. I’m happy to share what I learn through experience and mistakes; we learn more from our mistakes, and maybe you can learn from mine so you don’t have to make the same ones. Trust your true self and what your true self is trying to communicate with you; don’t let your outer self have all the control. The more honest you are with yourself, the more you are able to heal any scars and grow.
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Quiet contemplation
Tell me something, how much time do you take out of your life to contemplate? I bet the answer is ‘very little’, ‘not as much as I’d like’ or ‘what’s the point’. Let’s be honest, modern living is relentless. Between working, parenting, adulting and general pressure to better yourself, it’s hard to find the time. Here’s why I think it’s important to make time…
Throughout the day we make millions of decisions. Some subconscious, which means there is little thought in it if any. The problem with these auto pilot decisions is that this is where we breed unhealthy habits and routines. These are the hardest to manage consciously. By taking a small amount of time, daily, to quiet the mind and exercise peace (this does take practice). You are allowing yourself the opportunity to control these decisions and create healthy habits.
Quieting the mind creates mindfulness, mindfulness is priceless. Have you ever watched spiritual teachers and leaders and wondered why they are so peaceful and happy…mindfulness. They have spent a lot time training their mind to be at peace and to acknowledge and appreciate the moment. The moment is where all of the power is and is the only thing that really exists.
Becoming a better version of you by controlling your thoughts. Acknowledge your thoughts and say ‘thank you but I don’t need you right now’. Will allow you to learn to control your thoughts and quieten the chaos, you will be less frustrated, less irritable and more content. Again this takes practice but trust me, it’s worth it. I bet you’d give anything to be more confident and self assured, this is how!
Quiet contemplation allows for healing in the physical also. Slows your heart rate, more oxygen getting to all the cells with the mindful deep breathing and allows for the reduction of cortisol the stress hormone.
All of these are just a few reasons that taking time out to quiet the mind can benefit you and help you return to yourself as you once was or as you want to be. You deserve time for you. You deserve to heal. You deserve everything you could ever ask for, but it starts with you. You need to show yourself the love first.
Take a deep breath and quiet the mind!!
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Taking responsibility and why it’s the only way.
Hey there,
Welcome to a new year. I hope your festive period was filled with joy.
Firstly, I want to congratulate you for making it to 2024, I know that seems odd but it really is a challenge surviving in the modern world. Everyone is very lucky to have you around. It is important to be aware of how lucky we are, making it from one day to the next. Not in a ‘life is hard’ kinda way but in a ‘ wow life is amazing’ kinda way.
Something that I have come across a lot recently is how lost so many people feel. With social media, everything being available to witness all the time can feel super overwhelming. We used to work in and experience things that were around us, now that everything is around us, it’s hard to know what we want.
We also tend to avoid self reflection and hold everyone else accountable for our mindset. The reality is, how we feel and how we view things is our responsibility. Not necessarily our fault but our responsibility. We have to take accountability in order to change anything. Some people have become used to how they feel and don’t want to change but maybe don’t realise. The thing is, if you really want it, you’ll find a way.
Depending on what it is that is holding you back or pulling you down, there are things that can help. Mel Robbins on YouTube, Tony Robbins (not related) also on YouTube, are amazing. They both give great insight into finding ourselves and making the changes we want to make. As long as you do the work, nothing will come of anything if you don’t put the work in.
I often see posts on Facebook that I don’t understand. People will post around Christmas time something along the lines of ‘while enjoying your day with your family, think of all the people who aren’t having a good day’. On the surface it seems thoughtful but it adds to a problem deep within society where some people leave the responsibility of their feelings to others. Say you are having an amazing Tuesday and I’m having a rubbish one, if I can’t be happy for you, then I’m the problem. Where does it end? The people reading those posts could be having the first decent Christmas in years and now you’ve made them feel bad for that. Being completely honest, with the ones I have seen, it’s usually people who don’t make the kindest of decisions in their lives that make those posts too.
Social media is filled with the best parts of peoples lives and not the worst or the reality, this we know. Use this to fire you up to do more in your life and become what you want to become. Everyone experiences peaks and troughs in life, absolutely everyone. It’s our own individual responsibility to manage our mindsets and not anyone else’s.
There are two ways you can view this… ‘Ah I have all the responsibility’. Or…. ‘ Yes, I have all the control’.
When you take accountability and stop blaming other’s (even when it’s their fault) you take back control.
The clear choices you have are, Do you want to wallow? or do you want to take back control and move on? If you want to wallow, thats fine, up to you but you can’t complain about nothing changing if you don’t take control.
There are so many amazing aspects to life you could be missing because you’re weighed down by anger and feeling victimised. Work on forgiveness first, forgive others, forgive yourself, take control and DECIDE to step forward to whatever it is you want. The only thing stopping you is you.
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You are magic.
Finding the magic within you doesn’t require tricks. Like most things in life, the answer will be before you, you will pass it or carry it with you every day. The simplest of things can often be the hardest, so let’s start at the surface.
When you hear others share their stories, what are you most touched by?
When you watch movies or tv, what story lines grab you the most?
What daily activities do you look forward to or dread the most?
What do you see when you imagine your future?
What do you see when you imagine your dream future? Are these the same?
And what do you think of when you first open your eyes in the morning?
Within these questions are the answers to who you are. Remember that you already know everything you need to know. Today, it is harder than ever to access our answers. With media, social media and the societal domino effect that follows, our minds are congested. Our thought processes are no longer linear and the breadth of emotions is much wider. Our surface emotions and deeper emotions are further apart. Finding the map to all destinations is challenging but challenges are where we grow, so instead of being concerned with the difficulties, be excited about the journey. The circumstances of the situation haven’t changed but the situation itself has.
Perception is the key to life.
We have two selves, our higher self and our lower self. The lower self is the one who is reactive, the one who gets road rage, shouts at people, thinks damaging thoughts whether for ourselves or others. This is the guy we want to be watching out for. When you are your higher self, you are more understanding and less judgmental, you feel better, more opportunities come your way and you are in a position to help other people who cross your path. When you are being run by your lower self you shut out all of the light around you, you distance yourself from everyone and turn away from allowing the good to come your way. You will see this after you have spent time with people who drain you, particularly emotionally. Once you’ve breathed less suffocating air, you are spent. You have no small talk with strangers, your family don’t talk to you about their day and the things they’d like to share with you because your energy is off. This occurs on a big scale too. You can’t prevent your lower self from appearing but learning to manage it is how you become the you, you want to be.
I have mentioned in previous posts the ways in which to slow down and learn to listen to your own voice within but there is often a lot to take in and it can be overwhelming when you don’t know where to start. Mindfulness is easy, it sounds like something you need to build up and practice, and while it’s true that the more you practice the better you become at it, every practice works. The first time you ever practice, regardless of how you feel it went, you will benefit greatly. Do some research and find one single technique, any straight forward activity. When you are sitting in your car in traffic, breathe deeply, even once, if that is all you can manage. You don’t need to make it complicated. We need to remember to breathe deeply, physically, emotionally and mentally we need it. Slowing to give us the headspace to manage the rest.
I sometimes find myself worrying about our current times. I see how much harder it is to be kid and how much more difficult it is to parent these kids, so many complex variables making everything a little more complicated. However, there is no situation that does not have a silver lining, with all difficult comes good.
The bottom line is, it’s a choice. Not necessarily an easy choice but a choice. I don’t like the word Trauma because the word itself sounds present tense, I think this contributes to people having a hard time moving on from the experiences, just my personal view. Maybe adding a ‘d’ to the end of the word or changing it to something less ‘now’ would help some.
Obviously, there are many who have experience extremely challenging moments in their life, this is not going to be easy to move on from and sometimes the damage is so deep rooted that the person may not be able to pick themselves up from it. However, for every person who can’t move on, there is someone with similar experiences who can. We need to be dissecting this. Why can some and not to others? There are a lot of external things that contribute to both of these scenarios and for some the path is a lot more difficult.
While everyone is different and have a different story, there are many people, more so now than ever before, who are not willing to do what it takes. Some people shut down and very quickly allow it to become ‘them’. There are also the ones who are addicted to sympathetic attention and misery. This in itself is problematic mental health for the individual but it can’t be treated and managed in the same way as the rest.
As a paramedic, I have attended many patients who are struggling with mental health. Some are experiencing difficulties, some have a hard time moving on from past difficulties and need support, and some refuse any support you offer, all advice won’t work for them for one reason or another. Whether they are just not ready yet or have decided not to try, isn’t for me to say. I say this with no judgement, those who won’t accept help or advice are not experiencing anything less than anyone else, it’s not about that. I feel the support needs to be different. But perception ALWAYS plays a part.
You can choose to view the path out as a lot of work and responsibility or, you can view it as an opportunity to take back control. The second you realise this is an option, you should grab it with both hands. The road out is a lot clearer when you have the control to drive it, rather that the weight of a large load of responsibility.
Henry Ford said “whether you believe you can, or believe you can’t, you’re right”.
I won’t pretend that some don’t have it a lot easier than others, some have the genetic code built into their character giving them the ability to move on without effort. I don’t believe it is impossible for anyone, I feel we are looking at it the wrong way, I feel if we reduce the amount of information overloading from what we read on the internet and just start off small and easy, everyone can move forward a little.
A small step forward is better than no step at all. Don’t worry too much about the path, step by step.
When times are tough, it’s hard enough to see ‘you’ never mind your magic. You may be tempted to prioritise seeing a little of ‘sunlight’ over trying to see ‘yourself’, these things are spherical, it doesn’t matter what you start with, as soon as you begin, the rest will follow. Why not reach for the magic instead, you have nothing to lose. The hardest times are the most important times to dig deep. Play your favourite upbeat music and sing and dance along, even when you are not in the mood, especially when you’re not in the mood! You can take control today. Never feel alone in it!
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Sometimes, it’s just too hard to see the good for the trees!
If you have ever gone through something in life that creates the all consuming stress, the type of stress that puts you physically and emotionally in a state of turmoil. You’ve probably researched how to deal with it, how to get through each day. I’t feels like it will never end. You will most likely come across advice like ‘gratitude is the attitude’ and ‘focus on the good’. However, it is nearly impossible to see the good with any depth when you’re experiencing a life beating. We will appreciate our loved ones, beautiful days and the opportunities we’ve been given but only on a surface level. Our emotions run deeper than our ability to understand and control them so it’s not as easy as seeing the good. The bottom line is, sometimes you’ve to ride the wave and let it pass. The last thing you need on top of everything else is to feel pressured to embrace life as it is in the worst moments, and feel bad about yourself because you weren’t’t able to. Who is? I have some suggestions that might help, however, give yourself a break, you may not be in the right frame of mind for any of it in the moment. That’s ok. The tough love part, it doesn’t matter what happens to you in life or who is responsible for it. It is your responsibility to ensure you come out the other end stronger and better. No one else can do that for you. Only you.
Talk
It’s often really difficult to talk about life when you’re in the midst of a storm. Despite what men think of women, most women I know find it difficult to talk about real things, but we know we have to. We can’t be everything for everyone when we barely function. Talking might be hard but it is necessary. If you feel you don’t have anyone you can talk to, there are people all over the world who would love the chance to have your back. join groups or find some on social media etc. You are never really alone. Reaching out isn’t easy but feel the fear and do it anyway.
Write
Journaling is amazing for helping you find the answers you didn’t know you had. You can just word dump, release all thoughts onto paper (or type if you prefer). Great for getting things off your chest. You can write positive affirmations, this will help with reminding you of how amazing you are and that you can make it through any storm. Law of attraction journal is great for reminding you of your goals and helping you keep your eye on the prize, you can have anything in life that you want if you keep focus on it and remove doubt. Feel the fire burn in you for your future. Gratitude journaling, writing at least 5 things that you are grateful for everyday.And my person favourite, shadow work. Ask yourself the difficult questions and see that you already have the answers. There are no rules for journaling, you can manage this anyway that works for you.
Meditation
The first thing I’d like to say about meditation is that, it’s not about switching off. Unless you’re meditating every day for hours. that won’t happen. Meditation is about learning to gain a little more control of your thoughts. If meditation frightens you a little. Try this first. Sit comfortably, stare at a blank wall and try to think about nothing. Every time a thought comes into your mind, acknowledging it and say to yourself or out loud ‘Thank you but not right now’. Push the thought to the side and start again. We allow our thoughts to take over. This is a great practice for learning to recognise thoughts when they arrive and remove the ones that don’t benefit us in that moment. Meditation is similar to this exercise. The best natural medicine you can give yourself is a daily meditation.
Cold shower/ice bath
Let’s be honest, this one brutal. However, turning the shower to the coldest setting at the end of a shower or dipping into an ice bath has so many physical health benefits but more than that. Ice baths help with managing stress, you’ll find a strength within yourself and you will begin to notice how much calmer you are, you’ll be less irritable and happier.
Exercise
This one is obvious but important. I get that it’s a thought to go for a walk in the cold or after you’ve had a long day at work. As much as you’ll dread it to begin with, you’ll eventually look forward to it. You’ll see the difference in how you feel in every way. More energised, more at peace and of course fitter.
I know that these things are harder in tough times but they are also more important in tough times. Don’t expect yourself to do all of them every day or to jump in to any of them fully right away but I promise that if you feel you are being proactive in some way, in any way. You will feel like you have a little more control and if you can do it consistently, you’ll see yourself grow. Use hard times to push yourself forward. No one and nothing can hold you back. If you fall back, push harder.
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Supporting my teens mental health.
Do you have a teen struggling with mental health?
Do you feel unsupported by Schools and Drs?
Do you feel as if ‘professionals’ act as if you don’t know your child or you’re just a pushy/paranoid parent?
My Daughter is 14, she finds school an overwhelming environment and always has. Her school life recently has become very stressful. She refuses to do P.E, she gets ready for P.E then has a panic attack because she doesn’t want to perform in front of her peers. This has resulted in the school suggesting that she doesn’t attend school during these times. I don’t feel this is an affective solution. She needs to be supported in integrating into that environment, however I have been told this is not an option.
A bit of a back story, When my daughter was in her first year of nursery, she really enjoyed attending. She made a lot of friends and has always loved playing with other kids. The beginning of her second year of nursery however, was very different. She did not understand why her friends were moving up to school and she had to stay back, she didn’t understand that its because of when her birthday falls. This is the year when she was made aware of her interests being very different form her peers, she loved to learn about cardiology, she found the book ‘atlas of the human body’ on our bookshelf when she was a toddler and would ask us to read sections of it to her, especially the parts about the heart. During her second year of nursery she brought a book in and spoke to the class about her interest and about heart bypasses. When she had finished her presentation, some children had questions and she really enjoyed discussing it. When the kids dispersed to play, they began to make fun of her for having an unusual interest. This is when it started.
Her first Parents night at school, the teacher told us she cries for what appears to be no reason, that it’s nothing to worry about and that she’ll keep an eye on it.One day, I forgot to give her a container for baking in school (I’m that Mum). I brought it to school during break and she was in a corner of the playground on her own, bawling her eyes out. I have honestly never seen anyone cry like that. She didn’t seem to know what she was upset about. Concerned, I brought her to her teacher and explained what I witnessed. I’ll never forget what the teacher said.. “yeah, that’s what we’ve been getting”. What part of that is nothing to worry about?! I requested an appointment with the school nurse, she was referred to Children’s mental health and was appointed a mental health worker. The worker would attend my Daughters class and watch her interact with her peers, she witnessed that she socialises very well but gets upset for no apparent reason. I kept her up to date with what we were doing with her at home.
At home we introduced what I called A new days resolution board, where we all wrote a small achievable goal for the day. I felt that if she was upset because she was putting too much pressure on herself, this would help her see that what can’t be done today can be done tomorrow and to focus on the little things and not be too concerned with the bigger things. Focus on having fun and being kind. I felt it was important we all did this so she didn’t feel singled out.
I made a happy thoughts jar, her an I sat together and wrote on sparkly pieces of paper, stories that make her happy and remind her of good times, we also wrote positive things about her in case the problem was self esteem.
My Daughter was assessed by a psychologist who found that she was academically where she should be but her emotional understanding and her understanding of what was being asked of her was greater than expected at her age. They felt this might be contributing to her frustrations.
Meeting with the metal health worker, she stated we are doing all the right things with her and that she can’t continue to work with my Daughter, because she has a supportive family and the caseload for children with difficult home lives was too large. While I completely understood this, it left my daughter without support in school.
Every year throughout primary school was the same, teachers would approach me in the playground after school to make me aware they had to have a chat with my Daughter about her crying. The following day I would ask how she was and if she was crying a lot and I’d get the response ‘It’s not that bad’. Like Im being a paranoid parent. One teacher told her she was too old to be crying and to get a grip.
Covid and lockdown hit, following this, she would not leave my side in shops or anywhere. It took a long time to build her confidence back up, there are still signs of this yet.
Now we are in the third year of secondary school, multiple meetings with staff there who feel the meetings should be focussed on her lateness to class, no complaints about behaviour, just her time keeping. When I try to explain that she struggles with anxiety they say ‘I doubt that she has anxiety because anxious people don’t like turning up late’ or ‘she seems fine when with her friends’. Teachers walk passed her when she’s bawling and none of them ask if she is ok, one told her she couldn’t be standing where she was, she explained vey politely that she was upset and talking to her mum the phone, the teacher responded ‘do as you’re told for once in your life’. I heard this. As I said, I have heard no complaints about her behaviour. I was horrified. No response from the school when I told them about this.
Last week, her friend took a photo of her and a teacher asked who was in the photo, her friend told them it was my daughter and the teacher asked if it was a filter. To you and I, this comment was simply them not recognising her in the photo. My Daughter spent over half an hour crying in the toilets because the teacher thought it was an ugly filter. I don’t believe all of this is just anxiety.
Today we met with her GP who told her it’s normal for girls her age to feel self conscious and feel the way she does. Completely ignoring that she has been this way since the age of four and I don’t think anyone other child in her school has a panic attack over PE. If she had behaviour problems they would all feel very different about it.
Why do we need to rely on ‘Professionals’ to access support for our children? Why can’t we get in touch with the correct professionals ourselves for advice. Teachers are overworked and stressed and clearly in my daughters school, most of them don’t really care. GPs are not mental health experts and can only refer to psychiatry/ psychology. If they don’t feel the issues are that serious, it’s down to the school to deal with.
Where do I go from here?
I know I won’t rest until she has received the support she needs and deserves.
We all love our children and would do anything for them, it is our place to ensure they receive everything they need. I’m tired of being made to feel it’s not my place and I don’t know my child.
Have you experienced anything similar? Maybe it’s time we get together and do this ourselves.
Next step for me? I will be pushing the school to provide the support they can and I’ll search for private consultation to provide recommendations to GP/School.
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About Me
A Scottish paramedic, a Mum and a woman, passionate about rediscovering the lost connection between each other and planet earth. We all have roles within relationships and friendships. My role is always the supportive advisor. I would like to be a friend for you when you need one and support you on your journey to self discovery. Your light shines bright. I believe in being vain and true self love is the path to success and happiness. Be Vain- Be V.
VforVanity 