VforVanity

See you on the daisy chain

Home

  • Journey to self love

    If you’re anything like me, you’ll have had a difficult relationship with ‘self’ and a bumpy journey to self love. It is such a tricky time for building appreciation of ourselves. Everywhere we turn, we see all of the things we think we should have and all of the people we think we should be. We are all guilty of this. I want to share my self love journey where I learned to shut out all of the things that don’t serve me.

    The first step for me was learning to relinquish control, some things in life are out with our control and it’s so important to accept this. Let’s be honest, sometimes it’s better we don’t always have control, imagine it was all left to us, I know I don’t always understand what’s best for me. Trust. Trust that everything always works of you. In fact I recommend saying this to yourself regularly. When things get hard and you feel like you can’t get hold of it, remind yourself ‘Everything Always Works Out For Me’. Within the moment, it may well not feel this way but if you look back at all your past trials and tribulations, it has worked out in some way for you. Maybe not the way wanted or thought you wanted, you would not be the awesome person you are today if it had not been for every experience in your life. Appreciate the bad too.

    Lose the negative self talk. Now, this is the area that requires the most work and it is a continuous journey. Don’t get too hung up on trying to be perfect and feeling like you let yourself down or feel ashamed when you’re not perfect. Perfection is as its meant to be, you are exactly as you’re meant to be, Perfect. You are supposed to learn and grow. You are supposed to experience things in life that pull you away from the path you thought you should be on and you are supposed to be affected by this. This is being Human. My advice with positive self talk is to try love those hard times, love the parts of you that you think you wouldn’t’t chose, these are usually the reasons the people around you do chose you. If we all had the same personality, liked and done the same things, life would be predictable and flat and most things in our world wouldn’t exist. The things that make you different, the grooves in your character are what attracts people to you. I don’t believe in flaws, I only believe in grooves. Flaws plant a negative seed in our minds, our grooves are not negative, they are us. so keep being groovy.

    There are so many ways to build self confidence, but the most important thing here is to learn to do this for yourself and not rely on others. Other people are not responsible for our mindsets. If you give that power away, you are opening yourself up to the negative too. You are accountable for you. Most people when I say this feel I am trying to take away their experiences but that is not what this statement is giving. When you take responsibility for you. You have the control. You have the choice to walk away. You have the power to build yourself up and prevent others from pulling you down. You cannot control how others treat you but you can control how you allow it to affect you. Remember that other people’s actions and words are a reflection of them and not you. Spend time in front of a mirror, positive self talk or just observing. Every time you find yourself being negative, look through it. Keep looking. I recently heard an interview with Meghan Trainor, she spoke of when her therapist told her to look at her naked body in the mirror for five minutes, set a timer. The first day was hard but by day three she was finding the positives in her body. This is a great way of forcing yourself to REALLY look at your body. Not just glance and walk away when you feel grossed out with a tiny ‘imperfection’, really look. You are giving yourself the chance to love what you see. Put a picture of yourself as a child on the bathroom mirror. What would you tell that child? Would you tell them they have a big chin or nose? Of course not. That child is you.

    I guess I wanted to jump on here to try remind whoever reads this that

    1. You are perfect
    2. Stay groovy
    3. You have all the power
    4. Spend time working on self love
    5. Be kind to yourself

    See you on the daisy chain!

  • Find your Strength, find you.

    Have you ever spent so long on one path that you couldn’t see the possibility of any other, it wouldn’t even cross your mind? Do you often spend time wondering ‘what if’? What if I chose a different career? What if I met someone different or what if I didn’t end that relationship? Would my life be different now?

    I think we’ve all thought about other possibilities and whether or not while on our current path we are reaching our potential and experiencing all we can. The hard truth though, is that our path has nothing to do with it, we are all just very good at finding excuses. We look for reasons that aren’t our fault. Possibly even look for ways to feel victimised. I know that many people go through really difficult times at no fault of their own and everyone is effected by things differently. I am not writing this to take any of that away. I want to help you find your power. I want you to wake up in the morning feeling ready to say no and put yourself first, to also have the power to say and take leaps. What do you want to experience in life? Who do you want to see when you look in the mirror? That person is in there. The reason you are drawn to the things you are drawn to is because it’s who you are. Far too often we start to see ourselves as the person others want to see us as. We become a servant to the people closest to us in order to feel loved an accepted. Usually not knowing that we have become this. All we know is that we are unsettled within ourselves.

    If you haven’t made a vision board, I highly recommend it. Spend some time finding images of things that spark joy in you. Even if you are motivated by a celebrity, if there is something about them that you feel you’d like to be, put them on there. You want to sail across beautiful oceans? Put it on there. It doesn’t matter how far reached you feel it is. Put it on there. Place it somewhere you can se it every day.

    Let’s talk vulnerability for a minute. We often times step away from situations that make us feel vulnerable, and that is an inbuilt safety measure to protect us from danger. Fortunately we don’t really need it for it’s original purpose anymore and we feel vulnerability emotionally now. People don’t want to step out of the comfort zone due to fear. They don’t want to be rejected, they don’t want to feel embarrassed and they don’t want to feel exposed. There are two choices to make in life. Feel comfortable in your space and never experience what life has to offer. Or feel the fear and do it anyway, exposing yourself, feel vulnerable but do amazing things. There are hardships both ways. Staying in your comfort zone is easier now but harder in the long run and Stepping out there is harder to begin with but easier later. Which would you prefer? I personally feel that while life can hurt, it’s meant to be felt. I would rather chase my passions and take risks than reach the end of my life with regrets, you won’t regret the things you tried but you might regret not trying. However, there is no right or wrong answer. Even within the confines of your comfort zone there will be times you need to vulnerable but remember, you can’t be brave without being vulnerable first. be proud of your vulnerability and bravery, acknowledge your successes here. the more you appreciate your bravery the more you’ll want!

    Please ensure that you learn to look after you, remember there is no right way to experience anything but most importantly remember you are powerful and brave by nature and there isn’t anything you can’t do, only things you won’t. Being wrong isn’t as big of deal as we make it. Everyone is wrong all the time and it’s ok. Be brave, get it wrong and be brave again. you’re more than strong enough to handle that. Trust me!

    See you on the daisy chain!

  • The meaning behind the words!

    I’ve spent the past couple of weeks watching, listening and learning how sentences are structured and used, how words are chosen and manipulated and the impact of these things on not only other people but events too. We all know that language bias is used by governments and media to control information and the reactions of the masses but we don’t see it so much when it’s happening to us or even when we are doing it.

    Let’s take mental health as an example. The term mental health is used when describing someones difficulties with their state of mind. When using the term physical health, we are describing someone’s or our own ‘physical health’ good and bad. Why is there so much focus on the negative when it comes to mental health? Why does the term seem to only cover mental ill health?

    To be honest, I feel that we don’t talk enough about positive physical health either but I do believe that by focussing so heavily on the difficulties of mental health we are contributing to the pandemic that is mental ill health. People are struggling more and more with the pressures of life and with good reason. We are living in the age of consumerism, we are permanently exposed to everyone else’s lives (usually the amazing parts and not all of the reality) which is making others feel they don’t have enough or they’re not doing enough. The pressures from within social media are affecting all ages and not just the teens who are definitely addicted to their phones but we all experience the subliminal push into insecurities.

    There are of course many mental health disorders and conditions that are less affected by these pressures from out-with, however whenever someone feels down the conversation is directed to mental health. When someone holds their grandchild for the first time no one is talking about, as if feeling elated and proud isn’t mental health. It is. It’s good mental health. These positive emotions are mental health too. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s amazing that the mental health conversation is happening. Especially with men as they’ve been discouraged of this for a long long time. These conversations are imperative to ensuring people are in a position to take care of themselves and help others. I do worry that if we focus too much on only the difficulties and not the successes we add to the problem. We’ve all heard the expression ‘speaking things into existence’, is it the case that we are over exposing our minds to the negative and speaking mental ill health into existence?

    I guess the reason I wanted to jump in here and write this is to ask that we take time to think about what we put out there. PLEASE PLEASE share when you are struggling, talk about the difficulties and challenges you’re having. Even if you don’t think they’re that big of a deal. You’ll gain so much healing just by talking and the people you talk to, will also heal because you let them in. However, I also ask that you talk about the positive times and feelings too, the good mental health days. Connect and share the light of the happy feelings and bright days. These moments will be more memorable for you when you share them and you’ll brighten the day for others too.

    Let’s talk about all mental health, not just the bad, not just the good. The all encompassing meaning of mental health. Every feeling you have is important and the people around you want to know. And as always spend time taking care of you. look after your physical and mental health. There are many different ways to do this. Do what works for you. Remember we are told on flights to ensure put our own masks on first so we are able to help those around us? Life is like that too, you have to take care of you first. Learn to love you the way want and deserve to be loved. It comes from you first. Connect with others and share your awesomeness.

    See you on the daisy chain!

    , , ,

  • The Law of faking it till you make it.

    You’ve probably heard the expression above many times throughout your life and no doubt brushed it off as nonsense. You wouldn’t have been wrong if you did, the statement alone seems to imply that it doesn’t matter if you know what you’re doing or not, just pretend, it doesn’t matter. This of course is not only putting yourself in a vulnerable position, it’s potentially dangerous depending on the circumstances. However, when applied to mindset and mental health, it can actually be very effective. Let me explain.

    While you go about your day, you’ll have many many thoughts, a lot of them you’ll completely ignore and many will be habit. You will be running late and calling yourself a moron thinking nothing of it because its right, you are a moron for running late, you should’ve been more organised/ got ready earlier, right? You might drop something/spill something/break something, call yourself some bad words and be angry for quite a while. You may look in the mirror and feel a pit in your stomach with what you see, think you look awful, you may even be upset at what you see. I want you to look at these situations in a different way for a moment.

    Imagine you are running out the door, ten minutes later than you should be because a young child is taking a long time to put their shoes on, what would you say to the child? Would you call the child a moron like you do yourself? No, you wouldn’t. Why not? Because that would hurt them? Affect how they feel about themselves? And also because they’re not begin moron, they’re being a small human.

    Would you call the child names and use foul language if the spilled/broke something? No. Why not? Because that would hurt them?Affect how they feel about themselves? Also, they are just human.

    What if you were looking at a child in the mirror in front of you. Would you tell them they look awful? Would you tell them they don’t look nice in the clothes they wear? Of course not. That would hurt their feelings. Also, that’s not what you in them or anyone else, just you.

    Why are you so mean to yourself?

    The words you use toward you, whether out loud or in thought, affect how you feel about yourself. Your subconscious mind is still a child. It doesn’t understand reason. Your subconscious and unconscious mind doesn’t know you’re running late or you’ve dropped something or see the image in the mirror. It only knows your thoughts, your feelings, the story you tell yourself. The problem here is that you’re telling yourself lies. Would you treat your friends or colleagues the way you treat yourself? I bet not. If you do then, that’s not cool. you need to stop that. Our reptilian brain is working at self-preservation without reason to. We are no longer needing to fight for survival like we did in the beginning, yet our brains are hard wired to put the work in. We now need to use our conscious mind to rewire this triune brain and teach it to treat us better.

    Imagine what you could achieve if you allowed yourself to let go of that self doubt and the self bullying. Imagine the life you could create for yourself and others if you stopped being mean to yourself. Not only do you benefit from loving you but everyone around you does too. have you ever noticed when you are feeling your higher self, you’re more open and giving to the people around you? See, everyone wins when you win. This self love and acceptance allows for you to make better decisions for you but it also completely removes the need to be jealous or put people down. There is no need for that kind of competition. Whatever you want for you is available for you, it doesn’t matter what other people are doing. Everyone is on their own path, how someone feels about someone else doesn’t affect how they feel about you. What someone else has or wants doesn’t prevent you from getting it too, if you want the same. It’s something you have in common. You should have no need to reach into anyone else’s lane unless you’re giving them a helping hand.

    Let’s do some work on our insecurities. Let’s do this together.

    Here are my tips on teaching your conscious and in turn unconscious mind to be kinder to you:-

    1. Think of three positive affirmations, I am statements. For example I am beautiful, I am enough, I am assertive. Remember these when you take your next shower. You’ll hate me for this bit, at the very end turn the water as cold as it goes and say your affirmations out loud. Do this every time you shower or as often as you can. The cold water will get you saying your life changing statements with conviction which will help you believe it faster.
    2. Journal, I am not expecting you to write long Dear Diary entries about every emotion you had the whole day. Just 5 things you are grateful for. You can write them bullet point or in sentences, if you’d prefer to write loads that’s cool too. As long as you are writing things in your life you are grateful for. It doesn’t matter how bad things get there are always things to be grateful for. It’s for sure harder to do when things get difficult but these are actually the most important times to do it.
    3. Meditate, seriously, this is so amazing for your mind, body and soul. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing people talk about meditating, it’s become very popular recently, but with good reason. This isn’t one of those fads that in couple of years, society realises it’s nonsense and moves on from it. I can speak from experience here. Regular meditation is life changing. It slows down your thinking, reminds you to breathe properly (human being are lazy and we don’t use our lung capacity as we should, we’re lazy breathers). People, myself included have had questions answered they’ve been asking for a long time. You have all the answers you need. You just need to quieten your mind, open your heart and slow yourself down to hear them.

    Remember, if you would want to punch someone for talking to your loved ones in a way, don’t do it to yourself. Be kind to yourself and watch what happens.

    If you need help with any of these or want to keep up with my posts follow me on Facebook vforvanity and/or Instagram Vforvanity_

    Stay connected. See you on the daisy chain.

  • What I learned about self discovery!

    I have spent so much time thinking about whether or not I’m where I’m meant to be or whether or not I’m who I’m meant to be, and whether or not I am alone in these thoughts. Just in case you feel the same, I thought I’d share where I’m at with these questions.

    So, I have been absent from work for nearly a year due to an injury and of course my work are giving me a hard time about this, which I get, they have to ensure they are operating at the level they need to and that they don’t have unnecessary hanger ons. However, I was injured at work. I’ve been surprised by the lack of support and concern but I feel I may have approached this situation naively. Large organisations don’t think like individuals and need to prioritise the company. This period has been super stressful, I already feel guilty for leaving my colleagues to hold down the fort without my help and the company are putting more pressure on me. which I understand. Unfortunately I can’t push surgical procedures forward, I have to wait like everyone else. Feeling I have lost control of all aspects of my life in one fell swoop I have had no option but to search within, find ways of getting through and find ways of ensuring this experience is something I can take with me through life and use what I’ve learned to help others on their journey too. I refuse to experience hard times without someone benefiting from it eventually.

    Having experienced life as I know it being pulled out from underneath me multiple times, I now understand that these all happen for a reason and to allow the process, I begin to wonder why I haven’t reached the event of self discovery yet. What do we need to do to get there? Is there even a destination?

    Possibly there is no destination, The journey to self discovery is the journey itself? Have you ever met people and thought ‘I wish I was as self assured and settled as they are’? of course you have and those people have probably felt the same. We don’t see what other people see in themselves, we don’t see their struggle or their questions. We only see what we feel about them.

    When I was a kid I always felt like my purpose was to change the world and help everyone, I didn’t understand the unkind or the mean. One of my teachers told me when you write a story to put other people first, just like in life. Were the unkind that way because they didn’t have her as a teacher? Had no one told them about that? I felt because I knew that rule that it was my job to help others learn it too. Unfortunately my autistic mind didn’t catch on to the realities of human nature until very recently. I’m in my thirties! I have spent my life trying to instil my values into the people around me and felt I was helping but other than my daughter and partner, it made no difference. This has led to some really deep searching within. If my purpose in life is not to teach people kindness then what is it? How do I find it? All I know is that I want to leave this earth a better place for future generations, I want to make a difference, I feel my purpose is in there. How do we find who we are in such a vast universe of possibilities? In the western part of the world, we have become closed off to each other and focussed on getting through it, have we forgotten to reach out to each other, to take a hand or to give a hand? A world of people closing doors and and looking out windows? Consumerism appears to have taken over.

    There are so many teachings in every experience, especially the difficult ones. I have had more than my fair share of experiences and feel if I can share what I’ve learned it may prevent others from having to experience the difficulties I have. I would like to add, my life is amazing and I am incredibly grateful for all that I have and all of my experiences. I wouldn’t change any of it. The lessons have given me so much more than I could ever ask for and I am able to feel at one with everyone and everything. That is a beautiful gift and the gratitude is endless.

    A particularly important lesson for me has been that people aren’t unkind if they are happy and secure. The people who appear in my life who have been mean or tried to pull me down are struggling. Their story is one of heartache and insecurities. Therefore I try to engage with their hate towards me, with love and support. It may be all they need. I am not always successful with this, I still struggle to understand why people don’t wish well for others and I can get angry and frustrated with this. But I try.

    I write this with a proposal in mind. I ask that we begin to open our doors and our hearts to each other and to possibilities. I believe that’s where we find ourselves and the exciting start point of self discovery. I believe if we link together like a daisy chain we can share more kindness and opportunity. I may not know what my life purpose is and my search may never end but on my journey I will reach into others lanes, only give a helping hand and to support you on yours. I will share my journey with you.

    See you on the daisy chain.

    ,
    , ,

  • The first daisy.

    My name is Carrie. I have spent my life trying to work out the right way to live it. I’m grateful my parents put no pressure on me to make particular choices however the ‘options’ are endless. How do you know the right thing? When is it ok to prioritise yourself and when should you prioritise others over yourself? Am I doing ok as a friend, as a student, as a daughter/son, as a parent or as a partner? How am I viewed but others? Does it matter? Which religion is right, if any? Do I need to fit in? This website is my dear diary of exploration into these things and I want to take you with me on this voyage. One thing I do know, connection is key. See you on the daisy chain.

About Me

A Scottish paramedic, a Mum and a woman, passionate about rediscovering the lost connection between each other and planet earth. We all have roles within relationships and friendships. My role is always the supportive advisor. I would like to be a friend for you when you need one and support you on your journey to self discovery. Your light shines bright. I believe in being vain and true self love is the path to success and happiness. Be Vain- Be V.

Recent Posts

Newsletter