VforVanity

Recently, I’ve been trying to work on my TRUE self. We are all aware of our two selves: one that is honest and content, and one that wants to control and often feels miserable. In order to shut my outer self out a little more, I have been searching for things that get me down. One of those things is what feels like an inability to manage day-to-day tasks with any authority. I seem to let things run away from me.

I’m not sure if any of you experience the same feelings I do regarding this, or if I’m just really odd (it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been described as such). Recently, I have had a really hard time managing my time and responsibilities. I will plan my day and my chores, yet often have minimal or none of them completed. I am super busy but have almost nothing to show for it. It seems a bit strange to be so active and simultaneously accomplish so little. For example, today I planned to write in my blog because I have really let that slide lately. Instead, I tidied, cleaned, and rearranged kitchen cupboards. This was interrupted by a meltdown caused by an unwanted visit from a spider. Absolutely terrifying for both of us, I think. I had to wait for my daughter to come home from school to catch it and put it outside. Spiders are my kryptonite.

The distractions of everyday life are challenging; every day, my plans are derailed by myself. I get very frustrated by this, especially since I have no one to blame but myself. I have picked up a couple of techniques that can sometimes help, although I often forget about them, to be honest. One thing I find most helpful is using an egg timer. I set it for 25 minutes and start a task, agreeing with myself that it’s okay if I go over the 25 minutes, but I can’t stop before the timer goes off. I am amazed at how productive I can be with this method. It’s also incredible how much you can accomplish in 25 minutes when you’re focused on a single task.

Another distraction-avoidance technique I discovered is the “dopamine menu.” I know that sounds weird, but it’s quite effective. The idea behind a dopamine menu is to have a list of alternative activities to do instead of doom scrolling or wasting hours in front of the TV. It serves as a guide to keep you occupied in a mindful, present way.

You can list some ‘starters’—5 to 10-minute tasks such as making a nice hot drink, lighting some candles, having a little dance, or standing outside for 10 minutes to get some fresh air.

Some ‘mains’ could be going for a walk, doing yoga or meditation, reading a book, or cooking a healthy and fun meal. These are activities that take a little longer.

‘Sides’ would be things you can do while engaged in other tasks, literally on the side. For example, you could listen to music, a podcast, or an audiobook; light a candle; or play with a fidget toy.

‘Desserts’ refer to giving yourself a set time to indulge in those activities you are trying to avoid, allowing you to enjoy them in a more controlled manner. This could include watching TV, scrolling through your phone, online shopping, or having a sweet treat. This is the ‘moderation’ section of the menu.

Finally, the ‘specials’ are activities that require more planning or investment, such as going on holiday, taking a day trip with a friend, or attending a concert—things you really look forward to.

It’s important to fill your menu with activities that excite you, so you look forward to putting down your phone and remote to use your menu. Having these options written down in front of you helps make them feel more engaging and like a treat.

Another challenge I face when I have things to do (regardless of how much I enjoy them) is completing tasks at home. I always feel I should prioritize household chores and jobs that benefit my family. I find it very difficult to do anything other than that because society has conditioned mothers to prioritize everyone else and view their role as centered in the home. My partner is not one of those guys, but it will take many generations to break down these stereotypes for both sexes. To combat this, I leave the house. I go to a café, order a nice coffee, and work on what I want or need to do. I’m not above crocheting in a café on my own. Usually, I read my book or work on my laptop, but I would definitely take wool with me.

I believe we have the power to manage our struggles by finding the right techniques for ourselves. Let’s face it: everyone has difficulties. It’s part of being human. I want to ensure that if I learn anything that helps me, I share it with others who may benefit as well. We’re all in this together. I’m happy to share what I learn through experience and mistakes; we learn more from our mistakes, and maybe you can learn from mine so you don’t have to make the same ones. Trust your true self and what your true self is trying to communicate with you; don’t let your outer self have all the control. The more honest you are with yourself, the more you are able to heal any scars and grow.