VforVanity

Finding the magic within you doesn’t require tricks. Like most things in life, the answer will be before you, you will pass it or carry it with you every day. The simplest of things can often be the hardest, so let’s start at the surface. 

When you hear others share their stories, what are you most touched by?

When you watch movies or tv, what story lines grab you the most?

What daily activities do you look forward to or dread the most?

What do you see when you imagine your future?

What do you see when you imagine your dream future? Are these the same?

And what do you think of when you first open your eyes in the morning?

Within these questions are the answers to who you are. Remember that you already know everything you need to know. Today, it is harder than ever to access our answers. With media, social media and the societal domino effect that follows, our minds are congested. Our thought processes are no longer linear and the breadth of emotions is much wider. Our surface emotions and deeper emotions are further apart. Finding the map to all destinations is challenging but challenges are where we grow, so instead of being concerned with the difficulties, be excited about the journey. The circumstances of the situation haven’t changed but the situation itself has. 

Perception is the key to life.

We have two selves, our higher self and our lower self. The lower self is the one who is reactive, the one who gets road rage, shouts at people, thinks damaging thoughts whether for ourselves or others. This is the guy we want to be watching out for. When you are your higher self, you are more understanding and less judgmental, you feel better, more opportunities come your way and you are in a position to help other people who cross your path. When you are being run by your lower self you shut out all of the light around you, you distance yourself from everyone and turn away from allowing the good to come your way. You will see this after you have spent time with people who drain you, particularly emotionally. Once you’ve breathed less suffocating air, you are spent. You have no small talk with strangers, your family don’t talk to you about their day and the things they’d like to share with you because your energy is off. This occurs on a big scale too. You can’t prevent your lower self from appearing but learning to manage it is how you become the you, you want to be.

I have mentioned in previous posts the ways in which to slow down and learn to listen to your own voice within but there is often a lot to take in and it can be overwhelming when you don’t know where to start. Mindfulness is easy, it sounds like something you need to build up and practice, and while it’s true that the more you practice the better you become at it, every practice works. The first time you ever practice, regardless of how you feel it went, you will benefit greatly. Do some research and find one single technique, any straight forward activity. When you are sitting in your car in traffic, breathe deeply, even once, if that is all you can manage. You don’t need to make it complicated. We need to remember to breathe deeply, physically, emotionally and mentally we need it. Slowing to give us the headspace to manage the rest.

I sometimes find myself worrying about our current times. I see how much harder it is to be kid and how much more difficult it is to parent these kids, so many complex variables making everything a little more complicated. However, there is no situation that does not have a silver lining, with all difficult comes good. 

The bottom line is, it’s a choice. Not necessarily an easy choice but a choice. I don’t like the word Trauma because the word itself sounds present tense, I think this contributes to people having a hard time moving on from the experiences, just my personal view. Maybe adding a ‘d’ to the end of the word or changing it to something less ‘now’ would help some. 

Obviously, there are many who have experience extremely challenging moments in their life, this is not going to be easy to move on from and sometimes the damage is so deep rooted that the person may not be able to pick themselves up from it. However, for every person who can’t move on, there is someone with similar experiences who can. We need to be dissecting this. Why can some and not to others? There are a lot of external things that contribute to both of these scenarios and for some the path is a lot more difficult. 

While everyone is different and have a different story, there are many people, more so now than ever before, who are not willing to do what it takes. Some people shut down and very quickly allow it to become ‘them’. There are also the ones who are addicted to sympathetic attention and misery. This in itself is problematic mental health for the individual but it can’t be treated and managed in the same way as the rest.

 As a paramedic, I have attended many patients who are struggling with mental health. Some are experiencing difficulties, some have a hard time moving on from past difficulties and need support, and some refuse any support you offer, all advice won’t work for them for one reason or another. Whether they are just not ready yet or have decided not to try, isn’t for me to say. I say this with no judgement, those who won’t accept help or advice are not experiencing anything less than anyone else, it’s not about that. I feel the support needs to be different. But perception ALWAYS plays a part.

You can choose to view the path out as a lot of work and responsibility or, you can view it as an opportunity to take back control. The second you realise this is an option, you should grab it with both hands. The road out is a lot clearer when you have the control to drive it, rather that the weight of a large load of responsibility.

Henry Ford said “whether you believe you can, or believe you can’t, you’re right”.

I won’t pretend that some don’t have it a lot easier than others, some have the genetic code built into their character giving them the ability to move on without effort. I don’t believe it is impossible for anyone, I feel we are looking at it the wrong way, I feel if we reduce the amount of information overloading from what we read on the internet and just start off small and easy, everyone can move forward a little. 

A small step forward is better than no step at all. Don’t worry too much about the path, step by step.

When times are tough, it’s hard enough to see ‘you’ never mind your magic. You may be tempted to prioritise seeing a little of ‘sunlight’ over trying to see ‘yourself’, these things are spherical, it doesn’t matter what you start with, as soon as you begin, the rest will follow. Why not reach for the magic instead, you have nothing to lose. The hardest times are the most important times to dig deep. Play your favourite upbeat music and sing and dance along, even when you are not in the mood, especially when you’re not in the mood! You can take control today. Never feel alone in it!