VforVanity

You’ve probably heard the expression above many times throughout your life and no doubt brushed it off as nonsense. You wouldn’t have been wrong if you did, the statement alone seems to imply that it doesn’t matter if you know what you’re doing or not, just pretend, it doesn’t matter. This of course is not only putting yourself in a vulnerable position, it’s potentially dangerous depending on the circumstances. However, when applied to mindset and mental health, it can actually be very effective. Let me explain.

While you go about your day, you’ll have many many thoughts, a lot of them you’ll completely ignore and many will be habit. You will be running late and calling yourself a moron thinking nothing of it because its right, you are a moron for running late, you should’ve been more organised/ got ready earlier, right? You might drop something/spill something/break something, call yourself some bad words and be angry for quite a while. You may look in the mirror and feel a pit in your stomach with what you see, think you look awful, you may even be upset at what you see. I want you to look at these situations in a different way for a moment.

Imagine you are running out the door, ten minutes later than you should be because a young child is taking a long time to put their shoes on, what would you say to the child? Would you call the child a moron like you do yourself? No, you wouldn’t. Why not? Because that would hurt them? Affect how they feel about themselves? And also because they’re not begin moron, they’re being a small human.

Would you call the child names and use foul language if the spilled/broke something? No. Why not? Because that would hurt them?Affect how they feel about themselves? Also, they are just human.

What if you were looking at a child in the mirror in front of you. Would you tell them they look awful? Would you tell them they don’t look nice in the clothes they wear? Of course not. That would hurt their feelings. Also, that’s not what you in them or anyone else, just you.

Why are you so mean to yourself?

The words you use toward you, whether out loud or in thought, affect how you feel about yourself. Your subconscious mind is still a child. It doesn’t understand reason. Your subconscious and unconscious mind doesn’t know you’re running late or you’ve dropped something or see the image in the mirror. It only knows your thoughts, your feelings, the story you tell yourself. The problem here is that you’re telling yourself lies. Would you treat your friends or colleagues the way you treat yourself? I bet not. If you do then, that’s not cool. you need to stop that. Our reptilian brain is working at self-preservation without reason to. We are no longer needing to fight for survival like we did in the beginning, yet our brains are hard wired to put the work in. We now need to use our conscious mind to rewire this triune brain and teach it to treat us better.

Imagine what you could achieve if you allowed yourself to let go of that self doubt and the self bullying. Imagine the life you could create for yourself and others if you stopped being mean to yourself. Not only do you benefit from loving you but everyone around you does too. have you ever noticed when you are feeling your higher self, you’re more open and giving to the people around you? See, everyone wins when you win. This self love and acceptance allows for you to make better decisions for you but it also completely removes the need to be jealous or put people down. There is no need for that kind of competition. Whatever you want for you is available for you, it doesn’t matter what other people are doing. Everyone is on their own path, how someone feels about someone else doesn’t affect how they feel about you. What someone else has or wants doesn’t prevent you from getting it too, if you want the same. It’s something you have in common. You should have no need to reach into anyone else’s lane unless you’re giving them a helping hand.

Let’s do some work on our insecurities. Let’s do this together.

Here are my tips on teaching your conscious and in turn unconscious mind to be kinder to you:-

1. Think of three positive affirmations, I am statements. For example I am beautiful, I am enough, I am assertive. Remember these when you take your next shower. You’ll hate me for this bit, at the very end turn the water as cold as it goes and say your affirmations out loud. Do this every time you shower or as often as you can. The cold water will get you saying your life changing statements with conviction which will help you believe it faster.
2. Journal, I am not expecting you to write long Dear Diary entries about every emotion you had the whole day. Just 5 things you are grateful for. You can write them bullet point or in sentences, if you’d prefer to write loads that’s cool too. As long as you are writing things in your life you are grateful for. It doesn’t matter how bad things get there are always things to be grateful for. It’s for sure harder to do when things get difficult but these are actually the most important times to do it.
3. Meditate, seriously, this is so amazing for your mind, body and soul. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing people talk about meditating, it’s become very popular recently, but with good reason. This isn’t one of those fads that in couple of years, society realises it’s nonsense and moves on from it. I can speak from experience here. Regular meditation is life changing. It slows down your thinking, reminds you to breathe properly (human being are lazy and we don’t use our lung capacity as we should, we’re lazy breathers). People, myself included have had questions answered they’ve been asking for a long time. You have all the answers you need. You just need to quieten your mind, open your heart and slow yourself down to hear them.

Remember, if you would want to punch someone for talking to your loved ones in a way, don’t do it to yourself. Be kind to yourself and watch what happens.

If you need help with any of these or want to keep up with my posts follow me on Facebook vforvanity and/or Instagram Vforvanity_

Stay connected. See you on the daisy chain.